Expectations vs Reality
Hubby and I got married just over a year ago. Our honeymoon wasn’t a walk on the beach, literally or figuratively. We got married, then spent our honeymoon attending the wedding of some of Hubby’s good friends in another state. The only way to financially afford a honeymoon and a cross-country wedding trip in the same year was to make the two trips one – so we did. We flew out two weeks after our wedding, spent a few days visiting Hubby’s old stompin’ ground {where he went to college}, road tripped for a few days, then came back to the starting point for the wedding we were attending. Hubby was a groomsman in said wedding, so we spent the last few days of our honeymoon with wedding festivities for the other couple. For some reason, I had envisioned some romantic hullaballoo of a honeymoon. Practicality met reality, though, and my expectations were far from met. We were excited to share in the wedding of Hubby’s friends {he wouldn’t have missed that for the world}! However, it certainly wasn’t a typical honeymoon… romantic is the word that keeps coming to mind as what it WASN’T. I’m not sure exactly what my expectations for the honeymoon were, but I was sure that they were not met. My idea of a honeymoon was lots of alone time, dates, laughter, new experiences, travel…. Hubby’s idea of a honeymoon was… well, we didn’t need to leave the bedroom for him to be happy. Neither of us got what we expected from the honeymoon. It wasn’t a bad trip per se, but it did not meet either of our expectations.
Over and over again in marriage, I’ve had times of let down. Most of the time, it’s not that Hubby is being intentionally mean or spiteful, but that my expectations aren’t being met. Does he even know what expectations I have? Nope, a lot of the time he doesn’t.
My mom has told me for years that her mom got pregnant without really trying, then that she {my mom} got pregnant fairly easily as well. I always had the idea that we would decide to have a baby and then we’d get pregnant and that would be that. OHHH, THE NAIVETY! My reality is that we aren’t pregnant, nor has it happened quickly or easily. We’ve been trying/not-trying-not-preventing for over a year. I have longed for motherhood literally for as long as I can remember. Even as a child, my heart’s deepest desire was to be a mother {well, and an 8th grade cheerleader. but mostly, a mother.}. Waiting for this child has challenged my faith, stressed me out and generally speaking – it’s stinking confusing. We get asked oh so often when we’re going to start having kids – and I generally don’t open up my broken expectations, but instead give a cookie cutter answer of “whenever God decides we’re ready”. I expect to learn a lot by having children, but I’ve also learned so much by NOT having kids. I cherish the time Hubby and I have together now. I know one day we’ll wish we had more time with just the two of us. It’s not that this aloneness is bad, but it sure doesn’t meet my expectations.
Expectations are a funny thing. Expectations take our perfectly good reality and throw it in a blender with a bunch of emotion, a pinch of confusion and a dash of bitterness. Proverbs 4:23 tells us “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”. We have to guard our hearts against these made up fairy tale expectations that throw our emotions out of whack and steal our joy.
As I was driving home last night, I turned on my worship playlist. Several songs in a row revolved around the theme of waiting. God was present with me in my confusion. All I had to do was turn to him, seek solace in my time of worship and He showed up. {I mean duh, he always shows up. Sometimes it’s more obvious than other times. Last night it was super clear that he knew I was struggling with the wait – and that he wanted to comfort me in that.} I don’t have any great explanation for why things happen the way they do, nor do I suspect I ever will. I do know, though, that we must be mindful and aware of our expectations and not let our emotions dictate our faith. His plan will always, always, always supersede my expectations, but for whatever silly reason I often blink for a moment and lose sight of His glory, instead clinging to my expectations.
Through this journey… of marriage, of trying to start a family, of life in general… there’s really only one thing I’m sure of.
God is good, all the time.
{Even when my spouse isn’t connecting with me. Even when my home is a disaster. Even when the longings of my heart still aren’t fulfilled. Even when things don’t happen like I think they should. Even in the waiting and the joy; the laughter and the tears. Even in the littlest of little things and in the biggest of big things.}
God is good. ALL the time.
I pray that you find solace in his presence today; that you open your eyes to realize His ever-loving hand in your life. Blessings!
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